Who Are You?

So we know a little bit about me (more to come on that later) but who are you? This brings me to one of my favorite topics: stereotypes. I make it my goal each and everyday to reinforce as many stereotypes as possible, and you should too. If you're one of those idiots who blathers on about breaking down stereotypes, you are dismissed!

Finance Stereotypes

Big Fish Small Pond (aka "Big Swinging Dick - Toronto Edition")

• This is the man we all strive to become. He is confident in his abilities and understands the benefits of a career in Toronto where he knows all the players. New York and London are great but a new shark is born there everyday and this man doesn't like to waste time worrying about staying on top.
• Characteristics: Hermes ties, Range Rover for the wife and kids, son/daughter at UCC/Branksome, lakefront cottage (not neccessarily in Muskoka - this man is confident enough to understand that the party is where he says it is)

Big Fish Small Pond Who Thinks He's in a Big Pond (aka "The Delusional Man")

• To the untrained observer, this man is indistinguishable from the man above. The critical difference is that this man does not concede the difference between NYC/London and Toronto, and believes he is on the front edge of global high finance. For this man it is inevitable that he will one day meet a Hedge Fund Superstar and realize that he isn't the international financial powerhouse he once believed himself to be. This will be followed by a realization that there are more people who have Harvard undergrads, 3 years of analyst at Goldman, a Wharton MBA and carry at a PE shop then he ever would have imagined. This will lead to the steady decline of this man. It will start with the famous "mid-life crisis" and only get worse from there.
• Characteristics: Ferragamo ties (less expensive than Hermes and he doesn't know the difference), son/daughter at Crescent (or God forbid, some alternative private school)/Bishop Strachan, international family vacations (London, Southern France etc.)

The Complacent Man (aka "The Sucker at the Table")

• This man is either the underqualified one who is thrilled to simply have a job in finance (and is always afraid of being found out) or the unsuccessful evolution of the stereotype below after all that was once good about him has been beaten out of him. 90% of the time this man works at a Big 5 Canadian Bank and quickly comes to the realization that these institutions do not promote a culture of stars... complacency quickly ensues. After several years in the categorization, the Complacent Man is virtually indistinguishable from a career lawyer or accountant.
• Characteristics: Hugo Boss (these motherfuckers always love Hugo Boss) or worse (no tie), surprisingly nice car (purchased in a moment of weakness to confirm that the terrible hours will have their payoff), cottage in Muskoka... this man is lucky if he can afford a trip to Cancun during Spring Break after having overleveraged himself to buy a decent house within 45 minutes of the office.

The Boy Gangster (aka "The Most Dangerous Man in the Room")

• This boy is dangerous because he understands the rules of the game but also that he can become bigger than the game (see Rule #3 in the post above). This boy went to an elite prep school, Ivy League university or, in some rare instances, came from absolutely nowhere. He is strong analytically but also understands that finance is about relationships and that being able to work a room is more important than knowing that Alt+O+D is the shortcut for conditional formatting. There are three potential outcomes for The Boy Gangster: 1) to become the Big Fish Small Pond 2) to realize that the clients that pay our ridiculous fees must make even more and move across the table or 3) to fail spectacularly by becoming the Sucker at the Table.
• Characteristics: spends money on ties (Charvet, Canali, Armani etc.) and shoes (Ferragamo, Prada etc.). This is different from his US equivalent who inevitably leans towards Brooks Brothers and Gucci. No car... why would I invest in a depreciating asset. Apartment in Summerhill or Forest Hill South.

The Fake Banker (aka "The Future Consultant")

• Lets not spend too much time on this abomination. Starts as an analyst. Shortly thereafter begins saying things like "I just don't think we add value" and "I feel like my learning curve has flattened out". Inevitably leaves banking for consulting and is never heard from again. Ironically, this is the guy who never shut up about finance all through university and daydreamed about "models and bottles" while religously reading Leveraged Sellout.
• Characteristics: Tie? No thank you... it restricts my creativity. The extra curricular section on this guy's resume is more padded than my bankroll after a successful day at the races.